Mud, Sand and Ditch Water

If you haven’t seen the recovery shot of Bill Haas in the Tour Championship play-off from Sunday night, trust me, it’s a candidate for shot of the year. A modest Haas likened the shot to a straightforward bunker recovery, but whether or not it was as technically difficult as it may have appeared, this touch of ‘Hollywood’ golf was certainly the highlight of the play-off, and arguably the entire FedEx Cup.

Having watched this miracle shot, immediately I was reminded of all those times you play a shot from sludge, grit or filthy water, knowing full well what the personal consequences will be: some painful, some embarrassing, and some just plain messy.  Here are a few I’ve learned from personal experience that I’m sure will have you nodding in agreement…

Bunker in the Wind

On a hot humid summer day where everything except your skin is as dry as the Sahara, fate would have it that you’re almost certain to face a bunker shot played into the breeze. Of course, it’s the one bunker on the course that seems to have far too much sand. It’s an unavoidable state of affairs, but one that will ensure you have half of the bunker distributed evenly down the back of your neck, in your hair, in your eyes, and in some cases in your mouth.  Hardly a card-wrecker, but one of the few times on the golf course where you never see where the ball finishes up, as you’re already recoiling from the inevitable sand cloud that’s heading towards your face.

The ‘Should You? Shouldn’t you?’ Shot Out of Water

Bill Haas pulled it off brilliantly, and subsequently went on to win $11.4million. Well with that on the line, I’m sure it’s a shot we’d all take on, but doubtless there will have been an occasion where your ball is lying at the edge of a hazard, and just below the surface of the water. It looks very playable of course, and whether you go with the bare foot approach, or the wet golf shoes approach, it’s a challenge that invariably (and foolishly) is taken on.  Customarily, though, you’re often left with more than just egg on your face. Usually it’s a combination of dirty pond water, sludge, and the prospect of eventually taking that penalty drop you should have taken in the first place.

Prickly Bush

About the most painful place you can play a shot from on any golf course, is one with your backside lodged squarely in a gorse bush.  Never have you wished you were left handed (or right) more than you do in that moment you back up into the prickly shrubbery. A few scratches on the hands are bad enough, but a spiny piece of shrubbery lodged into your rear-end isn’t anyone’s idea of fun. That said, it’s a good opportunity to ‘man up’ and shrug them off as a few scratches, even if you are inwardly wishing you had some antiseptic with you.

Mud Lie

A wet muddy winter and a slightly stray tee shot occasionally equals a sludgy lie with little option but to cut loose and hope for the best.  You know the scenario: not sufficiently wet to be deemed ‘casual water’ but damp enough to guarantee a mud shower. The ensuing carnage will of course mean an eye full, a mouth full, and a shirt (probably a white one) peppered with muddy splodges for the rest of the day.

Flooded Hole

Another by-product of winter golf is the waterlogged green, but more to the point, the waterlogged hole. Why is it that you never seem to leave your first putt inside the concessionary distance that is the ‘circle of friendship’ in this instance? A well holed putt, and sure enough you soon have to plunge your hand into the sodden cup, which also has a tendency to be some of the coldest water on the planet. Of course, the displaced water naturally overflows and saturates half your sleeve as well. Miserable.

Man Down

If you haven’t suffered the ignominy of sliding down a greasy bank into a ditch, then I’d be willing to take a punt that you’ve witnessed someone who has. It’s the ultimate humiliation on a golf course (apart from a 10&8 matchplay drubbing). Why is there something so comical about watching someone fall over? Especially when they get covered in mud and ditch water? If it happened whilst playing on your own you’d laugh it off, but usually it’s an act suffered in front of all other playing partners, and inevitably it becomes the focal point of all conversation later in the bar. Forget the streaker, the three hole- in-ones, and the new course record, you can be assured that your fall in the ditch will be the single most talked about event of the day.  And there’s nowhere to hide back at the clubhouse, unless you invest in a new shirt from the Pro Shop.  If only there was a birdie on offer for every time someone asked what happened, you’d be the club champion.