Dodging the Dud Christmas Golf Gift
I hate to be the bearer of premature festive tidings, but this one’s in your best interests. Some people will soon be starting their Christmas shopping, and like it or not, being the golfer in the family leaves you very open to the misfortune of receiving totally useless golf gifts. So, in an attempt to head this off and save us all from having to feign gratitude and excitement I thought I’d provide some guidance you can pass on to your nearest and dearest.
When it comes to golfing gifts I admit I’m a bit of a snob. In fact, I tend to prefer to do my own shopping when it comes to stocking my bag – call me a control freak – but only because it pains me to accept presents that I look at and think “I’ll never use that” or “charity shop”. I know, ungrateful, but I just can’t help it and I am sure I’m not alone.
So, if you’re particularly vulnerable to questionable golfing gifts, here’s some advice you may wish to share…
Tat
Ahh, the stocking fillers… whether it’s the plastic scorecard, rubber golf ball cleaner, imitation Swiss Army golf tool, club cleaning brush, or that essential golf ball monogrammer you couldn’t live without, we’ve all had to force a smile before now. The truth is, no golfer has ever, EVER, returned home from a round delighted by how well their new ‘Golf Ball Finder Glasses’ have performed. Simple rule – avoid tat, and anything that looks close to it.
Golf Balls
Adding some ammo to the family golfer’s supplies should make for a particularly welcome gift. Quick tip – take a peek in their golf bag and try and buy more of the same or opt for a well known branded ball and all will be well. If you find you’re spending fewer pounds than there are balls in the box alarm bells should be ringing. Afraid to say golf balls are pricey little blighters these days and there’s no avoiding it if you’re buying anything half decent. Oh, and buy white, not yellow/orange/pink.
Also, don’t ever buy exploding, wobbling, glow in the dark, or any other ‘joke’ style golf ball for two reasons. Firstly, none of the aforementioned has ever looked like a golf ball, so the likelihood of duping one’s playing partner into inadvertently hitting one unwittingly is literally zilch. Secondly, even if by some miracle we did manage to fool our playing partner into hitting an exploding golf ball the chances of anyone actually finding it funny are even smaller. The novelty has worn off.
Novelty Gifts
Speaking of novelties, the moment a golf tee is shaped into a naked lady, a jumper features a dubious golfing pattern or a headcover looks like Snoopy, it’s a no-no. Trust me.
Mini Golf
Some miniature sports games have proven to be a tremendous success, Subbuteo being the prime example, but I also recall a classic ‘Test Match Cricket’ game from my youth. However, golf is a little harder to replicate on the small scale. Sadly that hasn’t stopped a few entrepreneurs from trying. There’s Executive Desk Golf for the executive businessman apparently, and Toilet Golf, for the “truly dedicated golfer”. Surely you don’t need me to advise you on this one?
Supermarkets & Department Stores
Now my snobbishness really shows but in much the same way that you’re ill-advised to buy anniversary flowers from the petrol station or jewellery from the Pound Store, buying golf products from a department store is a recipe for disaster. Usually, they come in the form of a gift box of useless paraphernalia, dressed up to appeal to the novice punter. Trust me, the only worthwhile items on sale for the golfer in the family here can be found in the section entitled ‘Beer, Wine & Spirits’.
Lessons
In fairness, golf lessons can be an extremely good and generous present, but just be sure the message you’re sending out is a positive one. Nothing says “I love you” like a present that shouts “you’re hopeless at golf and I’m sick of listening to your woeful stories every time you come home from a day on the links so go and get sorted out”. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot – how would you feel if your other half bought you a series of cookery lessons or DIY instruction? Point made!
Right, that should cover most bases I think. Happy shopping!